Coping with the loss of a baby: grief, bereavement and finding the right support

There is no right way to grieve, and nobody should feel under pressure to come to terms with their loss within a particular time. The support available to bereaved families needs to recognise that everyone’s experience is different.

One of the hardest things about losing a baby is that the world around you carries on. Friends return to their routines, colleagues talk about everyday things and family occasions come and go. Yet for bereaved parents, life may feel very different.

Grief can bring sadness, anger, guilt, disbelief or numbness. Some parents want to talk about their baby constantly, whilst others struggle to find the words. Feelings may change from one day to the next.

Parents may also be grieving the future they had imagined with their child. Nor does the length of a pregnancy determine the depth of someone’s grief. A miscarriage in early pregnancy can be devastating, just as the death of a baby shortly before or after birth can leave parents struggling to make sense of what happened.

People often talk about moving on after bereavement, but I’m not sure that’s always a helpful expression when someone has lost a baby. For many parents, it’s more about finding a way to live with their loss while keeping their baby’s memory part of their lives.

Some find comfort in photographs, a memory box, marking birthdays or creating a lasting tribute. Others prefer to remember their baby privately. There is no obligation to do anything in particular.

Everyday situations can be unexpectedly difficult. A pregnancy announcement, a family gathering or returning to work may bring painful feelings to the surface. It’s reasonable to explain that you’re not ready for certain situations or to ask others for practical help.

Grief can also affect sleep, concentration, relationships and physical health. If you’re struggling, your GP can help you explore counselling or other appropriate support.

When I was guest editor of our special baby loss edition of Team Around the Client, we shared the experience of our client Clare, whose daughter Isabelle was stillborn following negligent maternity care.

In her personal account, Clare describes the enormous impact of losing Isabelle on her mental health and family life.

She initially approached Sands but found that group bereavement support wasn’t right for her. Listening to other parents’ experiences was simply too painful at that stage. She was subsequently diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and depression, and, through her legal case, we helped her access specialist treatment.

For Clare, specialist individual treatment was much more helpful. It can take time to find the right support, and what works for one person won’t necessarily work for another.

Parents don’t always grieve in the same way. One may want to talk while the other becomes quieter or concentrates on practical matters.

Fathers and partners can sometimes feel overlooked, despite experiencing profound grief themselves. Children and other family members may also need support.

People sometimes worry so much about saying the wrong thing that they end up saying nothing at all. I’ve seen how much it can mean to bereaved parents when someone remembers their baby by name or simply asks how they’re doing, even months later. Practical offers of help can be just as welcome.

Telling someone they can try for another baby is unlikely to bring much comfort. Neither is suggesting that their loss happened for a reason. You don’t need to have an answer or know exactly what to say. Just being there, and being willing to listen, is often what matters.

Families bring their own beliefs, traditions and experiences to bereavement. These can influence everything from how they say goodbye to their baby to whether they feel comfortable talking about their loss with others.

For some families, religious or cultural traditions are an important part of saying goodbye to their baby. But talking openly about pregnancy loss isn’t always easy, particularly where there is stigma within a family or community. And for parents whose first language isn’t English, getting the information and support they need can be another struggle.

The differences in maternity outcomes between ethnic groups are also deeply concerning. Black and Asian babies continue to face a higher risk of stillbirth and neonatal death than White babies. And, as my colleague Divya Anand explores in her article on racial inequalities in baby loss, some parents have described feeling that their concerns weren’t taken seriously or that they were treated differently because of their ethnicity.

Families who have experienced these difficulties should not encounter further barriers when seeking support.

Healthcare professionals need to ask parents what matters to them, respect their individual wishes and ensure that information and bereavement services are accessible. No assumptions should be made about someone’s needs simply because of their ethnicity or religion.

There are several excellent organisations offering information, counselling and opportunities to speak with others who have experienced baby loss.

Sands provides confidential bereavement support through its national helpline, online communities and support groups. Its free helpline is available on 0808 164 3332.

Sands also offers dedicated support for African and Caribbean communities and South Asian communities, including online meetings where families can speak with others who may understand some of the cultural difficulties they face.

Tommy’s provides information and support following pregnancy loss. Tommy’s also works with Five X More and Petals to help eligible Black and Black Mixed-Heritage people access free specialist counselling following pregnancy or baby loss. This is available where the loss occurred within the previous 12 months, with referrals made through Tommy’s midwife-led helpline. Find out more about the partnership.

The Miscarriage Association supports those affected by miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy and molar pregnancy, while Antenatal Results and Choices helps parents facing difficult decisions following antenatal diagnosis.

Petals provides specialist counselling following pregnancy and baby loss. Your hospital’s bereavement midwife or your GP can also help you find local services.

If the first type of support you try doesn’t feel right, please don’t be discouraged. You may find something else more helpful.

For some families, finding emotional support is only part of what they need following the loss of a baby. There may also be questions about what happened, particularly if parents are concerned about the care they or their baby received.

I’ve represented families who have struggled with those questions, sometimes for a considerable time. Understanding what happened, and whether anything could have been done differently, can matter enormously to them.

Of course, not every baby death involves negligent care. But where parents have concerns, they deserve to be listened to and given clear explanations. Our guide to the duty of candour explains healthcare providers’ responsibilities when something goes wrong.

On 20 November 2026, RWK Goodman is proud to sponsor the Equitable Bereavement Care Conference in London, organised by Black Baby Loss Awareness C.I.C.

The conference’s theme, Transforming Lived Experience into Clinical Improvement, reflects something I feel very strongly about. We must listen to bereaved families, learn from their experiences and make sure that compassionate, appropriate support is available to everyone.

If you’ve lost a baby, please know that you don’t have to manage everything alone. There are people and organisations who can help, whether you need someone to listen, specialist counselling or practical advice.

And if someone close to you has lost a baby, please keep checking in with them. Months or even years later, knowing that someone still remembers their baby can mean more than you might imagine.