Top 10 tips for a ‘good’ divorce from a legal expert – Good Divorce Week

Resolution is a group of family justice professionals who work with individuals and families to resolve their issues in a non-confrontational and constructive way. As a divorce and finance solicitor it was important for me to become a member of Resolution as soon as I qualified, to help my clients achieve an outcome to their separation in the best possible way by following their guidelines.

In conjunction with Resolution’s campaign, here are my top ten tips for a ‘good’ divorce and to assist you through the divorce and separation process:

1. Good communication is key between you and your ex-partner from the outset and throughout. Be clear of your intentions, wishes and desired timescales so there are no misunderstandings. It is important to ensure that want you want is realistic, financially viable and achievable.

2. Try to keep matters amicable to avoid conflict and confrontation. This will assist communication and compromise and lessen any stressful impact upon you, your partner and any children.

3. Keep children out of any dispute and do not make negative comments about your ex partner. Children easily pick up on animosity and change in the family home and witnessing arguments and discussions can have a negative impact on their emotional well being.

4. Get professional advice from a solicitor early on who is a member of Resolution and listen to their advice.

5. Be honest, upfront and truthful to your partner and your solicitor about all aspects of your separation and financial circumstances. Full financial disclosure is one of the most important and fundamental aspects of the financial settlement process. It is vital for the parties and their representatives to be clear on what the matrimonial assets consist of and their value, so that advice on a fair and appropriate financial settlement can be given.

6. Get organised with obtaining your financial paperwork early on. Make enquiries of a mortgage adviser so you have some idea of your mortgage borrowing capacity and explore the property market to get some idea about the cost of properties and your housing needs, particularly if a sale of the family home is likely.

7. Budget for your legal fees and have some expectation about how much your divorce and financial settlement is likely to cost. If you foresee difficulties with funding you should explore alternative methods of funding early on.

8. Be prepared to compromise and shift from your initial position as this will aid a quicker and cheaper settlement and may mean that you stay out of costly, stressful and time consuming court proceedings.

9. Try to keep your emotions out of the divorce and settlement process and learn to forgive. Emotions can cloud your decisions and being calm and clear headed will give the best results. If you are struggling at managing your emotions consider putting the process on hold (providing your ex partner agrees) until you are more ready and or consider seeing a divorce coach or therapist. Get support from family and friends through the process but be mindful about listening to everyone’s opinions. Every divorce is different and what was right in another case may not be right for you.

10. Be aware of timescales and be prepared to accept that the concept of a ‘quickie’ divorce does not exist and that the average divorce and settlement can take at least six to 12 months.